Sans-you

 Everytime you are not there

I suffer the symptoms of sans-you

I shiver every night under the sheet

Fueled by the thoughts of you

And woke up each morning

With single-minded resolve anew

Yet as the day pass, I stumbled 

I slipped and i tripped

I make every mistake in the book

Even the walls could scarcely look

And the mirror whispered

"You should have known better"

Cautioned I was from the start

But carelessly I tossed it aside

Caught by the wind it sailed away

Coz from the moment we locked eyes

I knew, if your name were "Danger"

I would still jump in headfirst

Red flags and warning signs be damnned

I would give up more than I own

To be held in your embrace once again

Hear my name roll off your tongue

Gently vibrate through your lips 

as you skilfully caught mine

in a kiss so demanding 

I wouldn't mind if I had to quit breathing

I crave for the wave of pain and pleasure

Desire coursing through my veins

Burning a pit in my stomach

When you trace my body with your lips

And possessively left marks all over my skin 

as I moaned and writhed and begged

For mercy and for more 

In that moment where nothing else exist

And every single atom that made up me

Rose up eager to be dominated and ravaged

I surrender, mind, soul and body

Nostalgia

 I dont speak to you anymore

I chat with the ghosts in my head

My demons knows your name

As now you occupy the same space

Once I would have said

You are the light that shines my way

Now it seems like all along

You were the darkness I was fighting instead

I begged you to leave me alone 

Yet unbeknownst to me

You stole a part of me and disappeared 

I guess you pointed out my weaknesses and exploited my vulnerabilities 

Guess its time for a security upgrade

Launching of a me with better sense

Sometimes I feel like all i am doing is

Straightening the vase after a hurricane 

Ignoring all the destruction in its wake

Just patching things up with band aid and some tape

Perhaps ts time for a good spring cleaning

Dust all the cobwebs and hang out the curtains

Empty the drawers from memories of you

And let the stale scent of nostalgia dissipate 

Calypso's curse

 Maybe one day ill be okay

Listening to our song without tears in my eyes

Recalling our memories without ache in my heart

But right now im driving aimlessly

Wishing I could run into your arms

I couldn't go to you

So I drove to where I felt close to you

That parking lot

Where you held me tight

As I cried thinking of losing you

I keep reminding myself I was happy

I was content before I met you

But now that existence felt like a pale imitation

Of the fiery passion I felt with you

How do I build my home in the ashes you left behind?

When all I want is to build an altar and drop down to my knees

Night and day calling out your name fervently 

Like a prayer hoping you would materialise before me

Consumed with thoughts of you, I built you in my mind, in my imagination you are right beside me

Though he is just a ghost, an echo, without your warmth or glow

But he is all I can keep as the rest of you has already been claimed by another 

Our time together is like rays of rainbow

Unexpected, a little unreal and altogether fleeting

Maybe I share Calypso's curse

To always get left behind

An addictive and heady potion

That is what you are to me

A song that I heard by accident 

And immediately fall in love with

Playing in a loop in my head

That I keep going back to again and again

The only antidote to the burden of my existence 

Your very touch searing my veins 

Yet, your kisses were the balm that soothe the pain 

And when you leave

Your ghost remains haunting me

Preserved perfectly in my memory 

A frozen pocket of time

A snowglobe that I am trapped within...

Bargain my soul for morsel

I whined and whimpered

Bargained and begged

For a little morsel of your affection

Soft gentle touches to show that you care

But you just turn your back

Walked away from the mess you made

The consequences of your actions

The scars from wounds you inflicted 

You left when I broke down

When all i needed was your reassurance 

You turn around and said you felt nothing

When it was you that confessed thrice

Maybe it was in the throes of passion

But that would mean all you have for me 

Is lust for my body, 

my tears and my emotions

Just got in the way of you satisfying your needs

You think you are offering me pleasure

All i wanted was a hug and kind words

Gentle caresses that touched my soul

All you offer is momentary pleasure tainted with eternity of guilt

Morning Star

 From the very first night that you left

I keep expecting you to leave forever 

Maybe it was a self fulfilling prophecy 

Maybe i was the one who end up pushing you away

Either way we both knew it was not meant to be

How could it? 

When you are in the middle of your happily ever after, while

I am slowly digging my way out of the rubbles of my life

You promised to be here while i put together the pieces one at a time

I should have know better than to trust the words of a man

For a short while, you were diligently holding the torch, lighting my way

Every ready to catch me when I stumble

Offering your shoulder, planting kisses on my forehead 

Hand in hand leading me along your merry way

It wasn't long before you grew weary of me

My demons weren't gentle, night and day they pulled on their chains

Promising destruction and pain, bellowing out vile curses

My broken pieces were sharp and jagged, they cut into your skin

As you tried to mend them for me

It took merely four short months

For you to be poisoned by me

Slowly you start to keep your distance 

Your eyes morph from gentle and loving to careful and calculating 

The voices in my head begged me to latch on to you, my only salvation

From an existence so excruciating and bleak

Like a weed you tried to stomp me

Worry I will infest your perfect rose garden

And immaculate white castle walls

So I slink away defeated, further than the shadow of your tall walls could reach

Like Morningstar I too had a taste of heaven and was kicked out for my own foolishness...