Ghost/Snowglobe

Maybe one day ill be okay

Listening to our song without tears in my eyes

Recalling our memories without ache in my heart

But right now im driving aimlessly

Wishing I could run into your arms

I kept dreaming

Maybe we could be like 

Barbie and Ken

I couldn't go to you

So I drove where I felt close to you

That parking lot

Where you held me tight

As I cried thinking of losing you

I keep reminding myself I was happy

I was content before I met you

But now that existence felt like a pale imitation

Of the fiery passion I felt with you

How do I build my home in the ashes you left behind?

When all I want is to build an altar and drop down to my knees

Night and day calling out your name fervently 

Like a prayer hoping you would materialise before me

Consumed with thoughts of you, I built you in my mind, in my imagination you are right beside me

Though he is just a ghost, an echo, without your warmth or glow

But he is all I can keep as the rest of you has already been claimed by another 

Our time together is like the first rays of rainbow

Or maybe the first snowfall, 

or better yet the perfect moment in a sunset where the sun is there and not there at the same time

Where the darkness starts to envelop the sky but light still shone through 

And all the glorious hues weaves through the sky

Blending together creating a magical unforgettable masterpiece 

This rare, indescribable feelings, precious and fleeting moment

That will forever be treasured 

That is what you are to me

The song that I heard by accident 

And immediately fall in love with

Playing in a loop in my head

That I keep going back to again and again

Because how it makes me feel

And when you leave

I still feel you, still see you

Preserved in my memory forever

A frozen pocket of peace

A snowglobe that I am trapped within...

Love or lust?

 How do I trust your sincerity when 

You told me we could just be friends

Before the marks you made on my body 

Even starts to fade

How do I believe your words

When it felt like a scripted dialogue

Meant to be heartfelt yet oddly distant from your heart

How do I know if its really love

When you keep telling me if I love sth i should let it go

When all i want is to pull u close and 

Never let go

How do I know I am not just one among others

Maybe hundred others that has fallen in this trap

Fall prey to your haunting eyes and inviting smile

Among those whose heart you hv so thoroughly broken

How do I believe when you call me sayang

And say you are falling for me

And tht you love me within 16 hours tht we met and 10 of those hours were spent on the hotel room bed

How?

Tell me how do I trust any words out of your mouth when its obvious it was only lust taking the reins that night

Unconditional love

 I perceive you with such tenderness

Its evident I crave for your presence

If I exist only to put a smile on your face

I gladly accept this duty to serve

I learnt the lyrics of every love songs

To put what I feel for you into words

But nothing has ever come close

To describe this unwavering longingness

Oh, how I long to cross the line

Trace your intoxicating lips with mine

When it slowly curve into a smile

I find myself secretly hoping you are mine

Maybe this feeling is not to be understood 

Just to be felt and revelled

All I know is I would commit unforgivable sins

Just to keep your smile from fading

A little too late

When our eyes meet I forget to breath

I inhaled your scent but couldnt be bothered to exhale

As if my subconscious is trying desperately to preserve a part of you in me

Like being close isn't enough I need tangible reminder 

Maybe because I know I soon need to let you go

I ache when I look into your eyes and recognise the longingness that match mine

Wishing praying hoping that we could change the cards we were dealt

If I could somehow turn back the wheel of time, hold back the tide, 

Ingratiate myself into your thread of fate, just to cross your path

Mere 5 minutes before she did, at least I would have some sort of a claim

That first and foremost, you were mine

Bittersweet intoxication

I used to hate the taste of wine

Bitter on my tongue

Burned my throat as it goes down

But now i crave 

For that bittersweetness

To complement my state of mind

And half eaten heart

I used to thought I was smart

That i would make the right decision 

Recognise nectar from poison

But i failed with such abandon

As i kissed you with unbridled passion 

Knowing that you are forbidden

Now i thirst for bittersweetness

To soothe my conscience 

And aching longingness

Bittersweet it was the day i asked

Is she really the queen of your heart?

In your silence it was evident 

Your lust for me pales in comparison 

Bittersweet it was to be desired

But cursed to never take a step forward

For fear a marriage would crumble

As one of its pillars falters 

Bittersweet it was to try and forget

All the laughters, stolen glances, and innocent innuendos 

To refuse the shoulder you freely offer

Bear the weight of my guilt alone

Bear witness to my mistakes, my failings

As I face the simple fact that

I am too greedy to be the other person

Eternal sin

 Their watchful eyes gleaming in the dark

Black feathers, dark creeping orbs

Feeding on carrions long deceased

They seem to foreshadow 

What I am dreading

With bated breath I wait

As I stand to be judged

For my sins, my crimes

In the eyes of the one I love

Vulnerable and helpless

Its a death sentence

A part of me will soon

cease to exist

Mourn I will

For what could never be

Castles in the skies

Comes crashing down

As I am jerked back to reality

All roads leads to this 

Unless a demon appear at this crossroad

Then I would willingly have traded my soul

My heart, every single part of me

For the slightest chance that you could be mine

Half a life

 It almost feels like

Someone has stabbed my heart

Twisted the serrated knife

And left it there

So I was bleeding slowly

Too weak to stop it

I just lie there

Watching it leaves my body

Breath more laboured by the second

Tears flowing down my cheeks

Not from the pain no

I dont feel that anymore

Its just cold and numb now

But from the regret

And all I wish I had done

The words i kept inside me

That never had the chance to be heard

Regret that I only lived half a life

When I was alive

And it is too late now

For soon I will be unalive

Reality

 Reality hit me

Not like a gentle tap on the shoulder 

But a forceful shove

Into a deep dark abyss

Before i was ready to make the leap

Reality was like ice cold water

Didn't wash over me gently

Like a little drops of shower

Instead it shocked my very core

As if I had stumbled on thin ice

Deep dived into an Arctic ice hole

Reality was like the Reaper

Snatched my soul from my body

Without a microsecond of hesitation 

And all of a sudden...I find myself

With a completely different perspective

As if I walked through a mirror

That become my looking glass

From the outside finally the pieces fit

Numb

I used to feel

As deeply as the ocean

Into the abyss

I wandered, directionless

Overwhelmed

A cup filled to the brim

There was no avoiding spilling

Flame dancing in kerosene

One minute beautiful

The next destructive

Now, try as I may

I couldn't scratch the surface

I had been locked out

My heart beyond my reach

Like toys kept away from a careless child

After being broken one too many times

Maybe I should revel in this unfeelingness

As close to non existence that I may achieve

Happiness slips through my fingers

But so does worry and regrets

However, deep within this void

Part of my mind whisper caution

Beware when the floodgates open