Lens of you

 Loving you is like slow burn 

that rages beneath an icy stature

I gave you my all my passion my love

While you stand there unfeeling

Running your hands all over my bare body

Every word, every story that I confide in you

When i am at my most vulnerable

I watch you turn them into bullets

Firing at me when i am down

Loving you is like tying up my hands, blindfold my eyes, locking my mouth and handing you the keys

All i can do is smile and nod at every word you say

Validating your every fantasy yet never sharing mine

One misstep one wrong word 

And you threaten me with you absence

The frost in your eyes the cold shoulder you bare

As you made me believe i couldnt be me without you

Couldnt live, couldnt even breathe 

Without your permission, your decree

As if I live to fulfill your every desire, your whims

Everytime we were together, it is marked with blood stains on the white sheets

As if a prophecy, foretelling what a distruction we would be

Yet, here i stand unafraid as my autonomy is stripped from me

Naked and crying I force myself to look at me

Why do I let you do this to me

Where is my self worth and self respect

How do I hate myself so much that i carry all the blame and all the shame

When what i should have done is throw it in your face and walk away

What do I do now that my world view no longer filters through the lens of you